Our lives are not the same since you left us Brian. But what is the same is our love for you. As we go along without you, we carry that love and you with us in our hearts, unchanged and pure. On Mother's Day I remember all about you and I cherish those memories Love forever, Mom

I was reading an excerpt from a newsletter where a bereaved mother ended by giving her daughter's "symbols" as a butterfly, a black cat and a dark-haired angel.

I was reminded of a dream I had a few months after Brian died. At first I was alone in a dept. store, crouching down behind a register, because rising out of a water fountain across the store was a column of fire. It rose high and then arched and transfered into an object next to it, then rose again in a column and transfered back into the fountain. I was in awe of it's energy. All of a sudden I was walking with Brian, who was around 8-9 I guess, and we went through an arch into a restaurant. As we walked through he was happily chatting as he did so often, and I noticed right beside him a person, a woman, with long dark hair and a robe-like garment. I was aware of how silent she was. As we sat at the table with pedestal chairs attached to the floor, she sat at the next table adjacent to Brian. I asked him to get some napkins and when he left I became more aware of her. I looked at her and felt calm in her presence.

An interesting sequence of dream events. Who knows what if anything they mean. But I do remember wondering at the time if there were dark-haired angels.

Teresa's mother reminded me of this in her entry about her daughter who died 15 years ago. She also wrote that she felt time did not heal the grief a parent feels when they lose a child, but how we spend the time is what really does.

We will soon have some photos to post here of Brian's Bus and the latest news about where it is headed.

We miss you every day Brian and Love you always, Mom

5 years. i remember us sitting in the patio of kevin's parents' house in hoodbridge the summer of 2004 and we were having some crazy talk about the future of technology. i was spouting out ideas and you were ever the pragmatist, grounding my flights of fancy. i only knew you for a short time, but i wish you well wherever you are bro.

We will be at Brian's grave site this evening at 5:00PM if anyone wants to drop by.

I will have pictures of a Bus i am rasing money for that will be contributed in Brian's name to saint Katherine's Church.

Thinking of you today, Brian, and your family.

Love, Kate

Another day of mixed emotions, I miss ya like hell dude. My prayers are always with you and your family.

-Ry

"We have seen a significant increase in heroin trafficking in Northern Virginia,..." "First, more people addicted to prescription pain medications are switching to heroin. And second, Mexican drug suppliers are using routes long established for cocaine to also move heroin."
From The Washington Post- Oct.22 2009.

Five years have passed and what more can be said except the pain of losing Brian is with us everyday. Thank God for His mercy and grace and forgiveness in our lifes, and for the ability to also expericence joy when remembering Brian and knowing that God will remember him in His kingdom.

In the Dec. 6th posting my husband speaks of a bus being donated to a local church that would amoung other things be used to transport teens to church activities. The bus will have a plaque with Brian's picture and a few lines about his short life and the heroin addiction that brought it to an end. Hopefully it will impact those who see it and they will impact others they know and so on and so on. A small chisling away of a monumental evil that erodes the soul and has captured so many who are feeling hollow and looking for something to fill the void. When things look dismal, I sometimes think how hard it must have been for Brian, or anyone struggling, to get through a day without using drugs, when that poison is embedded in their cells. The battle can be won but not solo, not on their own power. Please pray for people in this situation to find the help they need and the strength to perservere and be victorious.

*****
Scarlet Wings (As Long As You Love)


Time has a different meaning now
Since you found your scarlet wings
Forever seems like yesterday
But only angels know these things
I can hear your voice sometimes at night
And it echoes through the day
When my soul cries out from missing you
I remember what you say

As long as you love you will see me in the stars
As you look up at the stars, I will be there
As long as you love, I will whisper in your ear
Little whispers you will hear as long as you love
As long as you love

You are standing here beside me now
As I watch the children play
To those of us you left behind
You are never far away
Even heaven cannot hold your heart
For no boundaries love allows
So little angel spread those scarlet wings
As you whisper to me now

As long as you love you will see me in the sun
In the warming of the sun I will be there
As long as you love you will understand the rain
You must bless the falling rain as long as you love

As long as you love you will see me in the stars
As you look up at the stars I will be there
As long as you love I will whisper in your ear
Little whispers you will hear as long as you love
As long as you love

by Cindy Bullens

******

We love and miss you Brian, and you're never far away. Love Mom & Dad, Katelyn & Ashley

It still feels like just yesterday when I last saw you and we had so many plans for our future.

Miss you very much. Keep watching us

Brian and his family are always, always in my thoughts and prayers. We will never forget you, Brian.

Dear Brian,
On December 15, it will be 5 years since you went to be with the Lord. We have many fond memories you Brian. We miss you very much.
With Much Love,
Uncle Steve, Aunt Ianthe, Krislyn, Jonathan

Myself, my wife and 16 people have contributed to purchase a bus in Brian's name the Bus will be donated to Saint Katherine's Orthodox for the main use of the Children of saint Katherine's it wil be called Brian's Bus. used for athletic teams transportation and or general Church needs.
If anyone wishes to contribute call me at 703-533-3077.
Also my wife and I will be at Brian's Grave, December 15 at 5:00PM if anyone wishes to join us.

Dear C.J.,
sorry it took so long to respond to your post. Best of luck in your Marathon! We were happy to donate to your worthy cause and in memory of Liz your beloved sister. I hope others will do the same.
And we thank you for remembering Brian so fondly. In our marathon Katelyn & I took Brian right along with us. So many people would pat your shoulder or give you the thumbs up when they went by (a lot of people went by me!!!)& vice versa. One lady saddled up beside me in the dark when we first started off and helped me pace for 6 miles (I was walking mostly). When I finally left her at a rest stop I caught a glimpse of the back of her shirt that had been getting a lot of attention. It said- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."You go C.J.!!

You've got some special friends Brian. Love you always. Mom

Happy Belated Birthday Brian!

Happy Birthday B. Still Missing you

happy bday :)

Happy birthday Brian. Still thinking of you every day.

Happy Birthday!
...thinking of you often....

Happy birthday Brian.

Mrs Christ. I saw that you and Brian's sister ran a marathon in his honor recently and read the story about the father and son kicking their habits and running a marathon out in Colorado.

I am running the Richmond Marathon in less than two months, and just realized that I hadn't hunted down a charity to support through my running. After seeing your efforts you made for the AIR Foundation, I just went to Firstgiving.org and set up my donation page for CrisisLink. I recently hosted a charity concert in Arlington at the Clarendon Grill for CrisisLink, which is a crisis/trauma hot-line, and I can't believe I forgot to mention it to you and our friends on the EMCT. We raised a few thousand dollars and it was a total success for everyone involved and I felt the need to support them even more.

The fund raising page is set-up now, and you can get to it by going to www.firstgiving.org/cjcross

Again, thanks for continuing to post on here regularly, and for continuing to be amazing people with all that you have done in memory of Brian. I only hope I can honor the memories of Brian and my sister Liz in such a way.

A letter received from a bereaved mother ended like this: "Life has a way of taking us in strange directions. We continue to live the life we have instead of the one we had planned". Daily we realize Brian's physical absence from our lives. But he is not far. He lives in our hearts. There is joy in that. Sounds so cliche but it is ever so true.

"Thou art with Christ and Christ with me; in Christ united still are we."

We love you Brian. Mom & Dad, Katelyn & Ashley

Happy 27th birthday

As always, thinking of all those birthday party pasts that we had

Your 18th at UVA was legendary

When we were 13 we went and saw Hackers at the old Skyline Mall

And as kids, it was football in your backyard on an always beautiful sunny September afternoon

Miss you buddy

i still remember that time i feed the ducks with u brian...n ill never forget. you always were making jocks when i saw u from what i remember :)

thinking of you....

I will not wish thee riches
nor the glow of greatness,
but that wherever thou go
some weary heart shall gladden at thy smile,
or shadowed life know sunshine for a while.
And so thy path shall be a track of light,
like angels’ footsteps passing through the night


Words on a church wall in Upwaltham, England

Remembering all the times you made us smile Brian. We love and miss you, Mom

Mrs Christ

I just found out about your father. He was a good man that was always entertaining anytime he came to our home

He will be missed. My condolences

Just thinking about you. Still miss you. Always will...

He was known by most who knew him as Art, by his family as Arvid, and by Brian as Grandad. Sadly my father passsed away last Thursday at the age of 80.

People will remember him for many things: a veteran of the Korean and Vietnam Wars; an uncle who made family gatherings a memorable event; a friend's dad who had his daughter's bridesmaids laughing on the way to her wedding by suggesting ,to ease her highly exciteable state, that he stop at 7/11 for some gum first-I failed to see the humor at the time; a loving & devoted husband of 64 years by my mother; an energetic, loving, devoted & proud grandfather by all his grandchildren; a person of honesty and integrity and great generosity by his friends.

I will fondly remember my dad: who taught me to ride my bike; gave me confidence to go back into the ocean when I was pulled under & fearful; who taught me how to drive in the snow like they do in Wisconsin; who faithfully watched "The Wonderful World of Disney " with me just about every Sunday night of my childhood, as I sat perched on the arm of his chair ; who gently reminded me it was just a story when I cried over Lassie getting lost for the umpteenth time.

I'll remember my dad who had confidence in me to drive cross country by myself at 22, & who carefully mapped out my journey's itinerary which I followed and still have today. And who even though a preacher's son, was not full of religiosity, but demonstrated his belief in, committment to, & faith in Christ every night as he knelt next to his bed and prayed.

The agent from Veteran's Affairs who is helping us after his death is named Angel. The funeral director helping us and with whom the agent needed to talk, is named Angel. In the midst of sadness that made me smile.

"Somehow the Angels comfort me whenever I have tears..." was a verse on a sympathy card a friend sent.

Following will be some photos taken of Brian on his way to college and me on my way down the isle. My dad was giving us both a last word of guidance & love.

He will be buried with full millitary honors at Arlington Cemetery in August.
He will be missed. I don't know how it "works" after death, but I have faith that in God's time we will be reunited with our loved ones, and those who have gone before may already be together.

God's mercy & peace be with you Daddy. Brian
give Grandad a big hug. We love you both.

I was at work on the 3-11 shift the December evening I found out I was pregnant with Brian. It was about a year and a half since Tony and I were married. My hand had been glued to my stomach most of the evening & I had exclaimed one too many times that I just didn't feel well. My fellow nurses were puttiing the picture all together and eagerly approached me with what I thought was an off the wall suggestion, to take a specimen to the lab. We finished administering meds and treatments, passing each other with expectant grins on our faces. The call came up nearing the end of the shift that I was pregnant. Screeches of joy and laughter & sisterly hugs followed from my workmates, and I was ecstatically speechless!

I drove home slowly on the cold, clear, wintery night. Sliver sparkles of moon low in the sky flickered through the blowing tree limbs. The stars seemed to lead me home. The lamps of the angels. It was not the usual exhausting ,destressing ride home from a long shift in the hospital that I normally experienced. It was a peaceful glide in which I was not aware of any fatique or discomfort. Only aware of a new life.

Tony was out of town for a few days and I waited till I got home to call as I wanted to let it fully permiate my mind and then give to him the good news. He could not contain his love & excitement. It rushed with his voice through the phone line. We were to be parents and we were tremendously happy.

The weeks following I would go to bed and lay with my hand again on my abdomen,and the life inside would connect me to a thrill of expectancy and the unknown. Who had been a twinkle in God's eye was now with me and that would be my first remembrance of Brian.

Remembering you Brian on Mother's Day and loving you always. Mom

Haven't posted in awhile, another loss of life a week or so ago from my college. Drunk driving involved. I miss you man.

-Ryan

We were happy to hear from Mr. Sterner and appreciate his sharing. Our prayers are with him.his sons & family, and their foundation and it's participants, as they run the Boston Marathon this April, & as they continue to "fight the good fight" as we all must do in the struggle to clear away, not add to, the many masks we put on and glorify as self, vs. our true created self-the spritual self God has endowed us with.

Lay Down Your Burden
by Amy Grant

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child
If I can walk on water
And calm a restless sea
I've done a thousand things you've never done
And I'm weary watchin'
While you struggle on your own
Call my name, I'll come
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child
I give vision to the blind
And I can raise the dead
I've seen the darker side of Hell
And I returned
And I see these sleepless nights
And I count every tear you cry
I know some lessons hurt to learn
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

We love you Brian. You're always remembered
Miss you, mom.

We received a donation from the Christ family today. We thank them so much for reaching out. And I can only hope that I might reach in and be humble enough to allow the only Light that is the Light of men to reach through me and offer any comfort and warmth that might avail itself to you.

I visited the website and, being moved literally to tears, realized something: so often so much in life gets carried so far away, whether sober or clear, that I lose touch with humanity. The struggle is great. We all know it. We all feel it. But when we reach out to each other, in comfort or support, we find that the human existence leaves us needing one another to understand ourselves. And so our struggle goes on.

My son Nicholas Shane, about whom you may have read in the Runner's World article, is doing very well. In fact, he is headed to South Dakota to finish his degree and then plans on going to Seminary. He has turned into a fine young man. He is unfortunately struggling with a torn muscle that occurred in the Boulder Marathon last September, so his running has become a source of frustration - one which, he will tell you, points him deeper into his Faith.

My 21 year old son, who is also a fine young man, struggles. Drugs and alcohol take their toll, and he causes me to reflect back on the mistakes I've made in my own life that have left an impact. His name is Zach. I share this with you all because with one simple reach you have all shared so much with us.

The AIR Foundation continues to work with teens and adults in recovery. In fact, we participated in over 30 races last year - including 8 marathons - with over 100 participants. The current economic status has left us struggling, but faith and perseverance will carry us through. Our hope is that we can reach people and bring them across finish lines, supporting and lending a hand in times of happiness and of hardship.

I have been inspired and touched by Brian and again thank you for reaching out. If you would like, please contact us at any time. I'm heading to the East to participate in the Boston Marathon in April and will be in Philadelphia for a few days also.

Faith,

Nick
Nicholas Sterner
The AIR Foundation
1150 W. 5th Avenue
Denver, CO 80204
720-365-2935
www.TheAIRFoundation.Org
Nick@TheAIRFoundation.Org

note- the website I gave for The Air Foundation is not up at the moment- here is the article from runners world about the founders that inspired us to do a Marathon called
"The Healing Power of the Marathon"

http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297--12302-0,00.html

On January 1, 2008 I posted a story about a Colorado man and his son who became sober by running marathons, and who now help others do the same.
One year later on January 11th of 2009, Katelyn, Brian's sister, ran and I walked the Walt Disney World Marathon! We were inspired by their story.

WE DID IT FOR BRIAN!!!

We did it for others who struggle with addiction and are in recovery.

We did it for our own "recovery"
and I like to add,
for God's glory!

For anyone interested in more information about the story or how to donate to this cause her are some websites:

www.theairfoundation.org
www.denverrescuemission.org

We'd walk a million miles for you Brian and back!! We love and miss you, Brian's family

In a care package to Brian when he was feeling lost but hopeful at Hazelden I included a U-2 cd with this song. Thought I'd share it now.




"Bono's vague lyrics have led to many fan interpretations of the song's meaning, but Bono frequently told the story behind the song in concert: the song is about heroin—specifically, about a friend of Bono's "who was given on his 21st birthday enough heroin into his bloodstream to kill him."


Bad by U-2

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
Id lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

To let it go
And so to fade away
To let it go
And so fade away

Im wide awake
Im wide awake
Wide awake
Im not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe theyd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go...

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go

And so fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
To let it go
And so to fade away

Im wide awake
Im wide awake
Wide awake
Im not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

Thinking of you Brian, Love Mom

As we remember all our friends and family, we thank all who remembered us and Brian on Christmas. We watched The Nativity Story and Home Alone 2 together as a family. If anyone wants to experience Brian at age 10 or so watch Home Alone! It's uncanny how much he resembles the boy in the movie. We all commented on it and were able to laugh and remember him for his cleverness, sweetness, quick mind & ability to figure things out & navigate through things at an early age. This was probably the first time we all were on the same page at the same time with our memories.
As usual I have a passage to share. It's from a book written in the early 1900s by Charles L Allen.


" 'I am the resurrection, and the life' he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live'
In Korea, they call a Chritian a resurected person. They mean that the soul of the Christian was spiritually dead, but he has allowed the spirit of Christ to come in, believed in Him, responded to that belief, and has begun to love again.
Once they were building a new highway in England. In the way stood a very, very old building. The workmen tore it down and cleared off the ground on which it stood. After the ground had been exposed to the sunshine and rain for some months, a wonderful thing happened. Flowers began to spring up, and botanists and naturalists from all over England came to study them. Many of the flowers were identified as plants the Romans had brought to England almost two thousand years before. Some of the plants that sprang up are completely unkown today.
Hidden there in the ground, without air and light, the seeds seemed to have died. But they were not dead. As soon as the obstacles were cleared away, and the sunshine let in, they sprang into the fulness of their beauty.
So the seeds of eternal life are in every human life. But often those seeds are buried under such things as unbelief, selfishness, pride, lust, preoccupation, or some other sin. But with humility and with childlike faith we bow before Him, it is the resurrection and the life for us.Marvelous things happen within our souls and we become finer and better than ever we had dared to hope. Life takes on for us a new meaning, a new radiance and beauty, a new happiness, and peace becomes ours. We live again."
The Kingdom of God is within us and eternal life begins now.

We love and remember you Brian & always hold you dear in our hearts, mom

I was just thinking about Brian yesterday while driving past Corpus Christi. It's amazing how quickly time passes. It doesn't seem like that long ago that we were standing around on the blacktop there each day. I was recently hanging out with some O'Connell friends and we pulled out a yearbook to look back at good memories and catch up on where everyone is now. We all remarked on what a good, down to earth guy Brian was. Something brought me to this page today..I haven't been here in a while. Upon seeing the date, I felt I should post because there was a reason Brian popped into my mind over the past few days.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Christ family. I hope you find some peace in this Christmas season.

I'm thinking of you today, Brian. It's hard to believe it's been 4 years.

My thoughts are also with the Christ family today.

Love, Kate

As expected, everyone is with me on remembering a great friend we lost 4 years ago on this day. It's hard to be cheerful for my sister's birthday when you died this day. I hope that the Christs are doing well.

-Ryan

Brian miss you much, though I know you are here. See you later.

T140.32crew

4 years since we lost you.

Miss you today so much. Keep watch over us